The moment that he loses all hope that Shinji will ever love him back. Wanting someone to live is a part of love, so no one will ever want him to live. The pages before this are the only time we see manga!Kaworu expressing anger, expressing the desire to fight for something. Because he’s found something worth fighting for, he loves Shinji. He’s actually trying to argue, actually trying to change his fate, to be loved, breaking free of helpless passivity for one scene… But it’s all useless. The one thing he’s found worth fighting for, and he can’t have it. There’s no hope to cling to.
When there’s no joy in life, as far as a nine-day-old knows (he didn’t know the song Ode to Joy), only deep, heart-shattering pain (like this), then why not ask for mercy? A young, starving thing without a mother, without anyone to love it or care for it.
“Like the cat.”
So he can pretend as he dies that Shinji cares for him enough to grant him mercy. So he can have even that one moment of joy. As Shinji wrapped both hands around him, as Kaworu experienced an embrace for the first time… Shinji wanting him to live meant he was loved. And that’s why he keeps coming back. Because someone that kind can exist. Because someone wants him to live. Because it is possible for someone to love something like him.
Sadamoto is Sadistmoto.
since tumblr won’t let me upload gifs to a photoset have these previews
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS
bunny who is interchangeable with a pillow
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Did you get all of that?
Oliver Smith Eyewear, 1953
The Victoria & Albert Museum